yeah… sing it axel…
so, i am on the fence about whether or not i want to get something to nosh on for breakfast this morning. i had a piece of banana bread that i got from the smoothie joint yesterday already at my desk, and i could deal with water until lunch. but then b-hill and ricka talked me into venturing across the street for something else. fine by me, i got my mouth all ready for a toasted honey wheat bagel with a strawberry schmear from einstein brothers BAGELS. yes, i put BAGELS in capital letters for a reason. the line wasn’t that bad for 0730 at all. four or five people waiting for food and only one guy in line ahead of me. so i grab nantucket nectar big cran juice and wait to order my delicious bagel behind the guy in front of me. now, let us keep in mind, dear friends, that there is quite a legible and large board that is hung right on the wall behind the registers… that… has… words on it! but what could they be?! it looks as though they are words that describe the food that they sell there! sacre bleu! it cannot be! but. but. but that would make it easy to order the food that they sell there. why ever would they do this?! oh, i think i have it figured out…
maybe it is so that i would not have to endure questions that the guy in front of me was going to ask! do you sell bagels by the dozen? but of course! do you have flavors of bagels that i can intermingle? but of course! but how will i know what these flavors are? well sir, i can tell you or you can read them off the labels that are on the baskets holding them. can i buy some of your delicious spread in, say, a resealable container to accompany these dozen bagels? my god, yes! my god, this must be my first time in a BAGEL shop. thank you so much for being patient and answering my absolutely stupid questions that are scrawled out in such an organized and legible fashion on that ginormous board that is hanging not four feet from your head! freaking putz.
not feeling as though my already limited patience was going to be able to handle his ignorance, i put back the juice and walked across the hall for a smoothie. the wonderful lady there had it blended and i was out of there before that putz even made it the ten additional feet to the register. i would have brained him with a bottle cranberry juice if i had to wait for him…
and listen, i know i don’t live in the best of neighborhoods. and since there might be the outside chance that someone might steal or i might lose my wallet, i appreciate someone trying to protect my finances. but i really gotta tell you. if you are going to make me come into your store to verify that i didn’t steal my credit card, you are only going to piss me off. i mean, doesn’t that defeat the entire purpose of having those convenient little pay at the pump card readers there? nevermind the fact that now i have to roll up my windows to the car and lock the whole thing down, for fear that someone is going to snag my bag or ipod or phone out of the front seat, just so that i can walk in and tell you that i am the guy on the card. but wait! now i have to wait behind the mother buying milk and the ragged looking gentleman getting a forty as well! this convenience store is so convenient! thank you. again, my lack of patience got the best of me and i told the guy to cancel the transaction so that i could go to a real convenience store. i know. i really need to work on that. ooo… i need you… just a little patience… yeah… thanks, axel.