okay, i am not sure what kind of market is out there, but i am willing to start entertaining offers for the first photographic evidence of theYerg’s first born. i am not going to be like one of you silly saps that just simply posts the pictures on my myspace or facebook page so that people can comment on how adorable it is or how happy you are for me and the future missus. not this guy. i am following in the footsteps of all my fellow celebrities (by the time my first spawn hits the world, my star should be on the walk of fame in front of the chinese theater. okay, maybe just in front of a chinese restaurant…).
but i figure with inflation and whatnot, i will easily be able to dwarf the $20 million dollars that brangelina is getting for their twins. wait, for $20 million, are they actually selling the kids or just pictures of them? i mean come on people. i know these people are famous, but they are still just baby pictures!
you cannot tell me that all babies don’t look alike. okay, race aside, all babies look alike. and don’t give me that whole “it has your eyes and her nose” crap. not straight out of the womb. hell, you have to dress them in a certain color clothes just to be able to tell what sex the kid is! heaven forbid you dress the kid in yellow or something and make people guess.
and don’t even get me started on the naming issue. knox and vivenne? sure, that is fine with me. name the kid toejam for all i care. just don’t inundate my yahoo homepage with articles by baby naming experts. first of all, are you kidding me? nowhere do i remember my guidance counselor asking me if i had a pension for naming people. i would have jumped at the chance to go to college to name people’s kids! be at a party when some chick asks me my major… “baby naming. that is right, i am going to pull down the big bucks when i graduate.” i have been a master at giving people nicknames, i would kill to get in on the ground level of someone’s life for a chance to give them the one for life. baby naming expert… get a clue.
secondly, don’t sit there and tell me that the kids’ life is going to turn out a certain way just because of their name. people, these two average $20 million a picture. the kids aren’t going to have any problems. if they are smart, neither will their kids’ kids.
i am still amazed though that some magazine is willing to pay that much for pictures of babies. that means that some of you absolutely insane freaking people out there are willing to shell out the coin for this magazine just to see the baby pictures. why? i mean, are you ever going to meet that kid? are you going to walk up to him ten years from now and say, “oh, i still have your baby pictures from when you were in people magazine. we are so proud of the way you turned out.” maybe frame the picture with captions and all and frame it on your mantle? do i think brad is a good entertainer and that angelina is hot? yes. do i feel the need to hawk over their every move and worship at the tabloid alter? hells no. get a life people.