as lazyness and douchebaggery seem to continue to be epidemics in this country, the epitome of this trend can be found in those assclowns that are riding segways. can there seriously be a bigger waste of money? for about five thousand american dollars (increasing as the value of the buck declines) you too can be a douchebag!
now, i can understand if you have a job where you are walking all day. the police uptown that ride a pretty badass version with knobby tires and a little bit more of a suspension uptown all the time? totally understandable. “walking a beat” is easier when you get to stand there and move. and they are protecting and serving. yes, they could just as easily (and probably cheaper) be bicycle cops, but whatever. i think i actually saw one of those policeman pull over a car the other day. that had to be a bummer for the driver that got busted by a segway cop.
but this morning while i was WALKING across the street from getting my iced pumpkin muffin (pumpkin flavored treats are one of my favorite things about the fall.), there was a putz in full suit with briefcase riding his segway up the sidewalk and into my building. he then stopped outside the center elevator well, waited, and then rode it onto the elevator, thankfully disappearing from my sight before i lost my appetite.
how freaking lazy do you really need to be? maybe he has some degenerative leg disorder that restricts him from walking great distances (three city blocks?). i don’t know. more than likely not. hopefully he lives uptown. could you imagine the level of douchebaggery that man exudes if the most he exerted himself every day was wrestling his segway out of his oversized SUV that he drives to work by himself every day and then standing on it for a few blocks to the office? wow. personally, as a matter of principle, i would have to find someone that would knuckle punch me in the taint every five to ten minutes to remind me that i was inflicting myself on society and that i should be punished if i were that guy.
nevermind the fact that its a two wheeled motorized vehicle. if you want to be that big of a lazy ass, i say make them pass a test, register the vehicle, and force them to dodge regular street traffic. i mean, bicyclists are supposed to be on the street. put the segways there too. it gives us a chance to weed out a few of them with all the bad drivers out there.
i told b-hill, it would be funny to beat the guy up and steal his segway. just because you know the lazy SOB wouldn’t chase you. and if he did, i would go just fast enough to make him run. and i would find out where his car is parked and do it to him every morning until he got my point. WALK!