as i sit here on my couch, i am coming up on six months of being unemployed. it has been an extremely humbling and eye opening time for me. as i told my friend, angela, last night, “i am all good with the humble.” no more humble.
i have watched almost every movie ever made and surfed to the end of the internet and back at least three times. i cannot remember a conversation that didn’t include the question, “how is the job search going?” and while the concern of the inquisitors is truly appreciated, it becomes like chinese water torture. each time that drop smacks against your forehead the force grows exponentially. after six months it feels like a sledgehammer. it is almost as if the question becomes the definition of you in others’ eyes.
here is the thing: i fell into a career some eight years ago when i accepted a job as a document control clerk with j.a. jones construction and i just rolled with it. i didn’t graduate from college with a specific job in mind or a path set out before me. i didn’t grow up thinking i wanted to be an astronaut and that i wasn’t going to stop until i got to space.
my life, for the most part, has been a series of events that i have let happen instead of things that i grabbed the reins on and took to their fullest. life has been a passive pursuit. and at times, i have taken on the role of a victim to life. life has happened to me. woes me, life. an insight that i was unaware of until my college friend, steve, pointed it out. it was further manifested in a career conversation with my friend, tom.
so the last few weeks have been extremely introspective. tons of questions with not a whole lot of answers. i feel like my self preception is just a collage of the preceptions of others. i feel like i have set myself up to believe that the status quo is success and that eventual failure is inevitable.
so i am looking to get passed all that. i am looking for that in my life that i feel passionate about. that which empowers me.
i used to love to write. i want to rediscover that. i love the charity work that i have done. i love helping people. Beards BeCAUSE has been one of the most amazing things that i have ever done with my life. i will find that which makes me happy and see if it turns into a career.
“we all have weaknesses and strengths. if you don’t take credit for the things you do well, then you just end up feeling bad all the time.” a text from my friend, nod.
i sincerely want to thank all those that have supported me over the years and especially over the last few months. i shall persevere to succeed.