in my pursuit of some sort of gainful employment, i have been asked on numerous occassions what it is in my life that i take pleasure in. keep it clean people, keep it clean. one of the most rewarding portions of my life has been the charity or volunteer work that i have done over the years.
i guess it started way back in the day when i was in fifth or sixth grade and i would go up to the room with mentally handicapped children and help them with lunch. seeing them have the most basic appreciation for the little things in life was humbling to say the least. around the same time we had to do a project for sociology class that allowed me to participate in pet therapy with the elderly. with the help of the local red cross, we would take cats and dogs into retirement homes and play with them. again, simple joy. in college, with the fraternity, it was special olympics. i still have the drawing of hines ward that my buddy mailed to me after we spent the day competing in the cross country events.
after college and before moving to the CLT, i would do little things to help people out when i could. have hands, will help.
then, at the urging of scott who had done it before and as a pact with AD, i signed up to be put on the block for the guys and dolls bachelor and bachelorette auction raising money for cystic fibrosis. it seemed like a cool party until the night of the auction and a young lady with CF took the stage to tell us about her daily struggles. it hit me like a ton of bricks and i found myself standing in a full tuxedo next to a NFL wide receiver waiting to be auctioned off and both of us having to wipe our eyes before we hit the stage.
since that night, i have championed as many causes as i can get my little heart around with either my time, my money, or my voice.
in 2007, scott and i enlisted the help of a recent beerfest acquaintance of wendy (later a friend and business partner) to create beards beCAUSE to raise awareness of domestic violence and much needed funds for local battered women’s shelters. we have been welcomed with a great response in raising over one hundred and ten thousand dollars in three cities with two more in the works.
but i still feel like there is a higher calling in my public service. i feel like i can do more and somehow make a career out of it.
i have honestly thought about running for public office…
stop laughing.
here is the thing… with all my social exploits over the years that have been captured on various social media sites and my less than stellar dating career, would i be able to, in good conscience, endure the madness that would come with undertaking such a task?
i think it is only a matter of time before every potential candidate has to just go ahead and disclose all the youtube videos, facebook pictures, and past (possibly drunken) liaisons that may come to the surface. “yes, i have drank alcohol well past the level of simple intoxication. yes, i have run a website that gave you tips on how to pick up chicks. yes, i am, comparatively speaking, moderately tattooed. yes, i have had sexual relations with a woman that i wasn’t married to. wait, i thought that last one was mandatory for politicians?”
we have all done stupid shit. hell, they elected that convicted felon who didn’t even RUN for office down in south carolina. so were is the line on things you can do and still be able to serve your community? could i get away with wearing jeans and chuck taylors to city council meetings/national defense budget meetings/my inauguration? what would be wrong with the down to earth, no bullshit, you explain it to me and i will make the best decision for everybody approach to politics? a nice hot heaping helping of honesty all around.
illegal immigration? “i am sorry, did you preface the word immigration with the word illegal? last i checked that meant it was bad. i am game for regular immigration though.”
gay marriage? “why not? everybody should have an equal opportunity to be miserable. i kid, i kid. but seriously, if its not hurting you, why do you care?”
taxes? “yeah, i freaking hate them, too. but i won’t ask you to pay for anything you don’t need. i don’t want to pay for that stupid shit either. do i think we need to attach a study about marmoset migration to a bill for healthcare that we need? no.”
healthcare? “are you actually sick? what are we going to have to do to make sure you don’t get sick? i think its cheaper for you to NOT get sick than to treat you for being sick. but i am not going to back covering you if you are chain smoking and chugging PBR’s in between shoveling mickey d’s down your throat. let’s be fair to the people that actually CARE about their HEALTH.”
foreign policy “did they actually ASK for our “help?” do we NEED to be there. no? okay.”
simple answers. if i don’t get it, there should be people smart enough to explain it to me to the point where i can make a decision. i may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but i can still spread butter! yeah, i don’t know what that means either…
would you vote for me? and not as a joke..?